crash position

“ladies and gentlemen, due to a sudden change in cockpit personnel, emergency oxygen masks have been deployed for your use. your new republican pilots will do everything within their power to stop the out-of-control descent of this aircraft, but under the weight of defense spending, growing budget deficits, foreign policy gaffes, and misguided leadership, we’re pretty sure this bad boy is goin’ down.

thank you for flying American Airlines! we hope you’ve enjoyed your flight, and will come fly with us again soon!”

(flight attendant blows explosive bolts on exit door, at which point the plane depressurizes and she and remaining crew jump from aircraft with parachutes. passengers who voted for the cockpit personnel change are wearing broad smiles, with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed; passengers who did not vote for the change look wide-eyed and confused, democratic deer caught in GOP headlights.)

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