the first one is free

as if there aren’t enough temptations…

this weekend was particularly debaucherous, at least, gastronomically speaking. friday night, niman ranch steak at Home (the restaurant, not the place). saturday night, monkfish and kobe beef cheeks at Watergate (the restaurant, not the hotel or scandal). sunday afternoon, burgers at in-and-out (the burger joint, not the act), followed by the thing most cherished by police and the american obese alike: krispy kreme donuts.


elaine did it. she was the serpent who spoke the words as the last bits of in-and-out passed out of sight. they make it too easy, you see. in daly city, the krispy kreme is right next door to the in-and-out. they both have drive-thrus, too. who ever heard of a donut drive through? it’s wrong, i tell you.

i held strong: ‘you can have some donuts sweetie…i think my double-double was enough for me.’ (errrrrp) it was easy – through the doors, past the cookers, up to the specimen case, packed with glazed, crullers, jelly-filled. no problem – easy to resist all of that. and then, the magic words, music to the ear of most americans: ‘would you like a free sample?’

i did a double-take, just like you re-read that sentence. ‘excuse me?,’ i said. yes, that’s right – a FREE sample of krispy kreme donuts. glazed, to be precise, and recently spawned from the frying vat – warm, and ready to stay that way in your belly.

my knees buckled. the room spun. how could i resist? how could anyone resist such a temptation? the only people who could resist are the ignorant, those who have not tasted from the tree of donut knowledge.
they put heroin in those donuts, you know. i didn’t care. i ate the sample and bought more for breakfast. you know, the box even tells you how to reheat them in the microwave…
resistance is futile.

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