paranoia is beginning to set in. i’m beginning to think that my social skills are degrading into near uselessness, that i talk too much and too eagerly when i spend time with friends, and that they are launching a plot to have my mouth surgically sealed to prevent further air pollution.
i’m normally not self-conscious about these things, but lately, for some reason…
maybe i’m becoming a shut-in. i do, after all, meet several of the criteria (spends more than 80% of the time at home, breaks out in sweat when thinking of outdoors, buys crunchy snack foods in bulk at costco…). as a consequence, my social skills get about as much exercise as artwork.
i can’t figure out whether it’s worse to be paranoid about this, or to actually be socially challenged. the thing is, i think my friends are probably too nice to say anything. most people probably are. it’s just terribly hard to find a polite way to say, “i’m sorry – could you please stop flapping your gums? i think i’m about to have a boredom-induced seizure.”
given that people aren’t going to say anything, i guess i’ll just do my best to forget about it, aiming for that un-self-conscious ideal. i’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes:
“you wouldn’t worry so much what people thought about you if you realized just how little they actually do…”
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